It's My Life
by Ambrosia Ice
Summary: Bay was eight when she lost her hearing. From that point on, her world was shattered. It took her years to remember why she enjoyed being an artist.
1. Chapter 1

_MidMay-MidAugust, 2004_

The Kennishs' were preparing for a cruise- packing, planning activities, and the adults had to decide if they wanted to spend the whole summer on had been the plan, anyways; Toby had decided he'd rather stay home, Kathryn wasn't ready to leave her oldest son, but Bay had, for once, wanted to go.

The mother of two was torn. She couldn't leave either of her babies, but she couldn't force Toby to go, he'd spend the whole trip mopping and it would make Bay upset.

While she knew her daughter wasn't one to show her emotions in public, she also knew that under the cold exterior, there was someone who couldn't help but let small thing get to her. That's what made her, in Kathryn's opinion, a great artist.

The mother looked helplessly at her husband who let out a sigh. "You go with Bay, I'll stay with Toby."

Bay clenched her mother's hand, her brown eyes wide. She did want to go, but she also wanted to spend time with her brother. After all, two years did make a diffidence. He thought himself to be 'to cool' to hang out with her, except for when they were home- even then it was mostly teasing and making each others life miserable.

She had often wondered what it would be like, to be an only child, then she realised she wouldn't have liked it. Who else would she go to if she had a problem and didn't want to tell her parents? While they were obviously different, and not just appearances but personality too, they were family and if there's one thing they'd learned, it was that family can tease family, but strangers couldn't.

During the summer was usually when Toby would spend more times with her than during the school year. This summer, however, he wanted to learn the guitar and couldn't do that on a cruise. So, he'd said some hurtful things to his sister, made her almost cry, just so that she'd go have fun without him. The hurt look in her eyes had made him want to take it back, learning the guitar could wait a summer, couldn't it?

"Is something wrong, honey?" Her mother asked, kneeling next to her child.

"No, Mommy." She whispered. "I just... Wanted to know when we were leaving."

Kathryn met her husband's eyes. "We leave once school gets out." She answered with a small smile.

Bay looked miserable. "Two more weeks?" She complained. "Why can't we go now?"

"Your grades aren't good enough," John gave his daughter a hard look.

Bay blushed slightly but didn't say anymore.

"The school year will come to an end soon enough." John said, his hard look softening.

 **XxXxXxX**

The rest of May, and part of June, passed quickly. Before Bay knew it, she and her mother were boarding the ship. She gave her brother and father one last, long, hard hug. She looked back at them before letting her mother lead them to their room. "Try and have a good time, sweetheart."

Bay nodded and looked around, a small smile curling her lips. She could already tell she would have a whole lot of things to draw about, then if she really felt like it, once she got home she could paint it and see how it looked.

She felt a slight jerk and she almost tumbled back into her mother. It took her a few moments to realise her mother was _laughing_ and that the boat had started moving.

"Get ready, darling, we're going swimming."

"Isn't it going to be dark soon?"

"not for a couple more hours."

 **XxXxXxX**

After swimming, they returned to their room and took showers. The suit was large enough that it housed two bathrooms, along with two separate rooms. It had originally been rented for the two adults to have their own space, and the two kids to have their own as well.

Kathryn didn't know if Bay would be sleeping on her own, in their house it was something different, something familiar to her. Here, she was somewhere new- with a hell of a lot more people than the four people, total, who resided in their rather large home. Through, thankfully, they didn't all share _the same room_.

The dinner that night was more than they could eat- and that was splitting a meal. They ordered muscles- which Kathryn had always wanted her children to try- and crab. She had to help her daughter open the crab, and show her how to get the meat out of it. She ordered a margarita, while Bay ordered a root beer shake.

 **XxXxXxX**

After a week on the cruise, everything seemed fine. That was, until, Bay fell ill and spend the whole half of the second week miserable in the infirmary with her mother always at her side, only leaving once in a while to go to the bathroom. The eight year old hadn't felt up to eating anything, so Kathryn scarcely ate as well, just a fruit on her way back from the bathroom.

What scared Kathryn more than her child not eating was the constant puking and headaches, even the stiffness of her daughter's body that stayed even when Bay was sleeping.

On the fourth day of Bay's illness, which the doctors and even Kathryn thought of as the 'flu' but didn't tell the child, she awoke and couldn't hear her mother's soft breaths. She should have heard them, seeing as her mother was holding her. She'd noticed her hearing hadn't been working as well, for the past two days, though she failed to tell her mother.

"Mommy?" she cried, unaware that she'd practically screamed it, at least until Kathryn jerked awake, her eyes wide with slight panic before she realised her daughter wasn't being harmed. Her heart sank at the next words her daughter said.

"i can't hear! I can't hear anything!"

"It's okay, Bay." she tried comforting her, wanting her daughter to relax. They'd get through this, no matter what.

She could see the panic and tears intensify in her youngest's eyes, and realised she hadn't comforted her at all. That's when the reality sank in, her daughter couldn't _hear anything_.

 **XxXxXxX**

They had a test done on Bay, to make sure that she really _couldn't_ hear or if it was just a side effect of her illness. It wasn't. After doing further testing, they realised it wasn't the flu, instead it had been meningitis, the bacterial kind. The doctors set to work to cure the child- realising it was a miracle she hadn't _died_ for their short sightedness, though the damage had been done and not ruling out that it was anything more the flu had cost the eight year old her hearing.

After she was cured of the illness, she was discharged and her mother helped her back to their room. Since the day that Bay had woken and realised she couldn't hear, she hadn't spoken a word. How were they going to communicate, without being able to talk?

They had another month before the cruise made a round trip back to New York, where they'd have to take a plane back to Kansas. Kathryn was had been on the phone with John when they made their stop in Hawaii for a few hours. Her husband wanted her to come home and she almost agreed, until Bay mentioned she didn't want to go home and be laughed at by her brother even more. Kathryn had let out a sigh at that, Bay wasn't really afraid her brother would laugh at her- she just wanted to get used to being deaf before having to face her _friends_. Plus, after doing some research she realised she wanted to learn American Sign Language, more commonly known as ASL.

Kathryn had sighed, "John, she wants to learn American Sign Language."

She could hear her husband sigh on the other side as well. "We'll get the best teacher for her, and for us. We'll get through this. We'll talk about Cochlear implants as well, when you two get home."

"John, I don't think it would be smart for her to have a surgery at this age- maybe in a few years, when she's gotten used to the fact that she'll never hear like she used to again."

Her husband was quiet for a few moments, "Not hearing the same as before has to be better than living in silence."

Kathryn was about to respond when Bay tugged on her free hand to get her attention, at her daughter's questioning look, she took out a notebook and wrote down what was going on, what her father wanted. At the panicked look, and the swift shake of her head, the mother sighed. "She still doesn't want to come home yet, John. Why don't we let her have the rest of the summer before having to make decisions."

"I'd feel better if you were home, where I could keep an eye on my two girls."

 _your father still wants us to come home_ she wrote on the paper again, before handing it to her child. Bay frowned but resigned. Her father would push until he got what he wanted. It didn't help that he was being exceptionally protective of her, ever since he learned of her losing her hearing on an emergency call home from the boat.

She nodded at her mother who then told John. The plane tickets where bought as soon as the couple got off the phone and they went to gather their luggage. No one asked questions- it hadn't gone unknown that a child, hearing, had entered the cruise and the same child was now deaf and getting off to go home with her mother.

 **a.n**

 **For one thing, I thought this would be an interesting story line to at least start. For another I got it while watching 3x22. I just couldn't deal with Bay being Daphne and Daphne being Bay or Toby being called Tobis and Emo. The only thing I dealt with was Angelo Junior. All though, I might start a story where I give more background on the history before, and after, the 'unswitch' happened in the Alternate Timeline. :D**

 **Also. I don't own Switched at Birth. Sobs.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**July - August, 2004**_

The flight home was something Bay never wanted to do again. She hated flying _in the first place_ , but actually hearing the engines start freaked her out. She felt as if it was normal, not being able to hear. She glanced at her mother, her heart picking up speed as the plane launched into the sky. She gripped her mother's hands until she felt as if she held any tighter, both their hands would fall off.

When the sign came on that said the seatbelts could come off, hers was the first gone before she laid her head on her mother's shoulder. The armrest had been moved, so it wasn't all that uncomfortable. Her mother automatically curled her arm around her and kissed the top of her head. Feeling slightly more relaxed, Bay fell into an uneasy sleep— ' _the first of many,_ ' she thought.

Kathryn watched her daughter fall asleep, feeling tormented. Why did her baby have to lose her hearing? If Toby had come, would he have also lost his hearing as well? She knew it was selfish, but she was glad that he had decided to join him, she didn't think she could deal with having both her children have their hearing stolen from them.

The mother struggled to keep the tears out of her eyes. She'd been strong the past week and a half, because her daughter _needed_ someone she could get strength from, even if Bay didn't want to admit it. Pushing the tears away, she focused on the positive. At least Bay would have more focus on her art than she had before, that was good, right?

 **XxXxXxX**

Bay jerked as she awoke, half hoping that it was just a prolonged nightmare due to the flu and she wasn't really deaf. Her hope was soon crushed when she woke up and realised she still couldn't hear. The only reason she'd woke up was due to her mother shaking her.

Her mother handed her, her bags and the duo made their way off the plane. As soon as they passed security and made their way towards the baggage claim, she was attacked with a hug from her older brother. The worry in his eyes was unmistakable; even though she _knew_ he cared, after what he said to make her go without him, she couldn't help but feel as if she didn't belong to begin with, now she really _didn't_ belong.

Her father took her and Kathryn's bags before grabbing the other luggage that was also their own. The ride home was literally silent—no one said a word. At least that's what Bay figured, if the tense air was anything to go by. ' _why is it so tense? Nothing really changed, except we don't have a way to communicate anymore...'_

Once they got home, Bay realised she still didn't want to paint, though she didn't know why. Wouldn't she feel better, if she took up a paintbrush and painted how she really felt? The longing expression must have been taken differently than how she really felt, for both her parents shook their head and ushered her inside. Toby seemed to understand how she really felt, though she didn't think he told anyone.

She hadn't come to terms with being deaf, not yet anyways. Since it had only been a week or so, no one could really blame her.

Her brother helped guide her through conversation, when other people forgot she was impaired. It was a struggle, and even she had lost the drive she'd had just days before to learn ASL.

If she got a Cochlear Implant, would things go back to the way they were or would she still be an outcast in whatever group of friends she had?

 **XxXxXxX**

As June turned into July, Kathryn worried even more about her youngest. It was clear that she hadn't even touched her paint studio since they'd been home. Even clearer was the painfully clear fact that her daughter was slipping away and she couldn't do anything to reach out.

She wanted to make her daughter go to the doctor, to get tested for depression. She didn't want to put anymore pressure on Bay, though. What if she pushed too hard and her eight-year-old was lost to her, forever?

The only good thing that seemed to come out of all of this was that Toby and Bay seemed to be even closer than they had previously been. Not to say that they weren't close to begin with... But she rarely saw her two children farther than a few feet apart. Unless they were sleeping, or taking showers; then they were farther apart. Until that morning, she didn't think they'd do anything separately.

When Toby had come down the stairs without Bay, her motherly instinct told her something was wrong with both her babies, more so than was normal these days.

The look from Toby told her that she shouldn't bother Bay today, not even for their lessons in ASL, which their deaf child seemed to be having more difficult learning than the rest of them.

Bay hadn't felt like getting out of bed the first day of July. She didn't want to bother her brother, feeling like she was imposing on him by seeming so needy all the time. When Toby came into her bedroom, she'd be sure to tell him that he should have fun while he still could, summer didn't last forever. Even if it felt like it dragged on and on into a never ending cycle.

Learning sign language was something she had thought she wanted, until last week when she had realised that she was, in fact, deaf and it wasn't a nightmare she'd wake up from.

After that, she hadn't wanted to move, she hadn't wanted to talk or go learn a new language. She knew her unwillingness to move was starting to worry her parents, so she got up and moved and pretend like everything was alright, when everyone knew it wasn't.

 **XxXxXxX**

August came with more tears and stress. Bay had been deaf for a little over two months, and though they were all good at signing (for a family who had barely started learning it), it was still something they had a tendency to forget about at least once a week.

The artist of the family made her way down to her paint studio, staring at her supplies for a few minutes before she did something she never thought she'd do. She broke her paint brushes, her pencils, she broke it all.

After an hour, her studio was in ruins and she didn't feel any better. School was going to start up in a few days and she couldn't fathom what everyone was going to be like.

She felt tears prick her eyes before she pushed them away. She felt sick. How was she going to tell her parents, her brother, that she didn't have the drive to paint anymore? That she wanted things to go back the way they where?

She let out a sob and rubbed her face, trying to compose herself before she set about to make her studio look clean again. She didn't want to do anything artistic, but maybe she'd need to destroy something again, in the future.


	3. Chapter 3

**I only have a year of ASL behind me, so if you know ASL please assume that the grammar(?) and tense and whatever else is different from English is the same as it would be in ASL. ALSO I'M SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING EARLIER. DON'T HIT ME, PLEASE! ;_;**

 **I don't own switched at birth, I only own the idea and any characters you don't recognize.**

 _ **Bold italic is ASL**_

Bay sat in the ruins of her studio, wanting the mess to just go away. She felt exhausted and stressed out. How would her friends treat her? It was still new news that she was deaf- at least to the community. She hadn't wanted everyone to learn about her disability before she was ready for it. Which probably would have been _never_ if she'd had her choice.

As it stood, Toby's friends had come over two nights before school started.

Apparently they had called her name a couple times, but she hadn't heard them. After her mom had gotten her attention, they had to explain that Bay couldn't _hear_ them.

After that had it had been a tense evening with Bay shooting daggers at Toby's friends with her eyes. From the amusement on her parents' face she assumed they were entertained by her attitude that hadn't been there in a while.

It was the first day of school. Bay stood up from her mess and rubbed her eyes. She'd been out there all night, and she was sure her parents knew that she hadn't come inside. They probably figured she was painting or something and had fallen asleep outside.

Or, maybe they had come to check and she just didn't know. She walked inside, aàglancing at the clock that read 4:37 AM and almost groaned. Bay made her way into her room, getting her school uniform and supplies ready before she went to take a shower.

She fought the urge to close her eyes. If she fell asleep now, she wouldn't want to wake up. Her parents wouldn't let her sleep through the first day.

Getting out, she wrapped her towel around her body gazed at her reflection through the steam. She hadn't looked at herself through a mirror since she'd woken up unable to hear.

How could she look the same, yet feel so different? Could people take a look, a glance, at her and _know_ she's different? Was it in her eyes, the way she didn't look up even when she sat straight? Maybe it was in her posture, the way she tried to make herself smaller than she was?

As she dried herself off and got dressed and hung up the towel up before making her way downstairs, where she saw her mother on the phone.

Bay cringed, she had been hoping to avoid her family for a few days, until she could sleep, until she could make herself seem better- happy. She wanted to work on her acting skills. It was last minute, really last minute, but maybe her mother would call the school and request that she drop her art classes with them replaced by acting classes.

 _ **Good morning.**_ Bay said with a small smile on her face. She wasn't sure if her mother could see past it, Kathryn probably could. Nothing seemed to get past her.

True to her word, her mother looked at her with a worried expression. _**Good morning, did you sleep well?**_

The eight year old nodded, and the adult raised an eyebrow at her. _**What do you want for breakfast?**_

 _ **Nothing. I'm not hungry.**_

The worried look in her mother's eyes seemed to intensify. _**You need to eat.**_

Bay frowned at her mother before shaking her head. _**I'm too nervous to eat.**_ That was half true. She was nervous, and stressed, but she was starving.

 _ **You didn't eat last night.**_

Bay shrugged, deciding that she didn't want to chat about her eating habits. She hadn't eaten on a set schedule since they'd gotten home. She only ate when she was so sick couldn't stand it. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she didn't really care. Why should she eat if she wasn't hungry?

 _ **Can I talk to you about something?**_ She wasn't sure how to continue, but she'd already started and she couldn't just _stop_ in the middle of a question.

Her mother nodded her head, they worry never leaving her eyes.

 _ **Can you take me out of Art Class and put me into an acting one?**_

 _ **Why?**_

 _ **I want to be one of the best, if not**_ **the** **best** _ **, of**_ **deaf** _**actors.**_

She could see her mother's doubt crossing her face, but in the end, she saw her mother pick up the phone. She could only guess, hope, that she was calling to make a last minute, really last minute, schedule change.

 _ **It's done.**_ Bay's mother didn't seem very happy about it, but she found that she was rather pleased. She'd get better at acting, pretending to be alright when she wasn't.

 **XxXxXxX**

Bay's birthday was probably the hardest for the Kennish's. No one knew what she wanted, and how the now nine-year-old was going to react. The past few months, since school had started, had been hard on her.

She wasn't the baby, not anymore. With her mother expecting her third, and fourth, child, she was left to her own devices more than she was before. It wasn't that the Kathryn or John meant to alienate her, they were just… busy, with preparing for the baby.

They had to add onto the garages, two more places so they'd have their own place to do their own thing; like Bay and Toby.

Bay got more acting supplies for her birthday. While she would've prefered to keep her art supplies out- just incase she found the will to draw, or paint, again. She didn't actually need the things for any play, they were just decorations that she could put up and the rooms places she could hide out for hours and still be comfortable.

 **XxXxXxX**

The next months where a struggle for Bay. If June to October was a _issue_ then October to January was a _problem_. She figured it would be difficult; that people would make fun of her because she couldn't communicate with them.

However, until she'd read some misplaced letters, she hadn't realised the rift between her and her family or friends. While they all supported her in her choice to be _deaf_ and not have an implant… They didn't understand her struggle. No one did. There where deaf people, she knew, but it felt like she was all alone in the world.

She knew she lived in a bubble, but was that really a bad thing? That she didn't want to accept that the world, her world, was different?

Despite wanting to just curl up and forget about how cut off she felt, she decided to (for the first time), to hold her younger sister while Toby held their other sister. Lily and Pansy; two perfect names for them.

They didn't seem to mind that their sister couldn't hear their screams. It was like they knew she'd react the same regardless.

A flash of panic shot across Bay's face before she could force it back to being content. In that brief moment, she looked up at her mother and was surprised to see Kathryn laughing.

 _ **Oh, Bay, you didn't hurt her. Did you want to learn how to feed them?**_

After a few seconds of thoughts, the nine year old nodded and her mother took some frozen milk out of the freezer and set it in water on the stove before turning it on. Kathryn explained that babies liked their milk warm, but not to hot.

Bay watched her mother prepare the milk before showing her how to feed and burp the newborns.

It was a New Year, and Bay felt almost sick. She and her family had taken a trip to New York for the few days before the first and she didn't want to leave the safety of their room, she didn't want to watch the Ball drop, even if this could easily be the only time they went before Lily and Pansy were old enough to remember.

It turned out that Bay really didn't have a choice. Her brother had almost literally dragged her out the suit and into the streets of New York where her family was.

She stuffed her hands in her pocket and followed. To her, it was an uninteresting event. She smiled when her family took photos. She laughed when her brother mentioned something funny to her. She didn't understand how they could act like everything was still fine.

 **XxXxXxX**

 **2005**

As the winter faded into spring, Bay was reminded loosely of the last time her life had been normal. She stood in the doorway to the kitchen and despite all the changes, she could still she herself, where she sat, almost a year ago, begging her mother that they leave _now_ instead of waiting for the school year to finish.

It was to much for her. _What if_ they hadn't gone? _What if_ her brother had come with them? _What if_ …? She could see the barely contained guilt in her brother and mother's eyes. She excused herself from the table before pushing the door open and walking out.

She let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding and started walking down the long driveway, unsure of where her feet were taking her. As long as she didn't have to think about last year… she was happy.

It felt like she'd been walking for days, though she knew it was only a few hours, when she came to a park. She wanted to play, but she didn't think the other kids would let her. Plus, her feet hurt. She didn't know how she was going to get home… and maybe that was alright. She didn't _want_ to go home.

She scrambled over to a bench and climbed up on it, before climbing up and sitting on it. Bay saw a brown haired boy and and blond woman signing together. She hadn't seen any other deaf kids, she knew they where there but she hadn't made a point of being apart of the Deaf Community.

She hoped it wasn't rude of her to go up and introduce herself to them. Maybe being around others like her would help her see the world in a way that isn't all grey.


End file.
